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Negativity and Rejection!

My own feelings of negativity are borne out of the rejection I experienced early on in my life. My mother (who was very young) put me into foster care with a view to having me adopted when I was 3 weeks old. Luckily for me, my beloved grandmother came and got me. Many of you will know that granny raised me pretty much singlehandedly.


Throughout my childhood and teenage years, I was back and forth between my mother’s house and my granny’s home. I now had other siblings and I could not understand why my mother did not want me, and to be honest, I still don’t. My mother made it quite clear that she loved my brother and not me. She told me this on several occasions. This rejection cut deep. I did not realise how deep until I was much older.


Looking back, so many of my behaviours have been as a direct result of the rejection I had suffered as a child, and unknowingly I found myself in a negative cycle, making decisions that were negative, destructive, and just served to feed my lack of self-esteem. I was the life and soul of the party, the outrageous friend, the fearless one of any group. Now I know that it was all for recognition and acceptance. Once you get into that cycle of behaviour, it becomes normal very quickly and almost becomes a security blanket. If something good happened in my life, I would invariably state “it’s only a matter of time before it all goes wrong”. Do you see what I’m getting at? Negativity is a hard habit to break.


I have been able to see and hear things supernaturally since childhood, but I suppressed many of them for various reasons. The one ‘gift’ I maintained was my empathetic abilities, and these have evolved in time. One day, out of nowhere, my spiritual blockages just disappeared, and I started to receive messages and see signs again. I even dug out my tarot cards which hadn’t been touched by me for about twenty years. Everything just started to fall into place. I started to meditate (sometimes three or four times a day), and my spirituality went up another level. I meditated on forgiveness of my mother and of myself. It is an ongoing process, and I still struggle sometimes but without my belief system, my love of nature, and my family, I dread to think where I would be right now.


Why did I write this particular item? I guess in part that it’s quite cathartic but really, it’s to say to somebody that may be going through it, that things do get better, and you can heal. I think the most important message I can give is to change the way you see things. Speak and think in more positive ways. Instead of saying, "it’s only a matter of time before it goes wrong", say "Fantastic! Let’s enjoy the ride". If you’ve got this far, thank you for reading. I’d love to know your experiences.

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